


Day 15- Stim Toys

by Broken_Clover



Series: Autistic Creative Challenge 2019 [15]
Category: BlazBlue
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Autistic Creative Challenge, Gen, Robots, Self-Harm, Stim Toys, Stimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 20:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18483748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broken_Clover/pseuds/Broken_Clover
Summary: Carl's always had some bad stress habits, but Kokonoe of all people offers a solution.





	Day 15- Stim Toys

One of Carl’s earliest memories as a child was him bashing his hands against a wall over and over again, screaming as loud as his little lungs allowed him to.

It wasn’t a perfect recollection. He must have been upset over something, but he didn’t know what it was anymore. He did know that he hadn’t been in any sort of real danger. It was one of his first meltdowns, and little him had decided for whatever reason that the stress in his body could only be channeled by beating his hands until they bruised- or at least until Ada intervened and pulled him away.

Carl knew it wasn’t a good thing to do, but he didn’t know how to properly vent his frustration. The screaming was a habit quickly quashed, enough disappointed looks from Relius more-or-less scared it right out of him. In the end, though, that may have only made it worse, leaving him to hit even harder when he couldn’t make noise to go with it.

The older he got, the more he started to understand the things that upset him. Itchy fabrics. Stiff shoes. Touches from unfamiliar people. Every time he encountered something uncomfortable, it made him want to smack against things. Ada and Ignis were quick to help him as soon as they found out, helping him find comfy clothing that didn’t make him overstimulated and being careful to let him unwind in a quiet place when he started getting upset.

No matter what they tried, though, Carl never seemed to be able to do away with the bad stims. When he tried to replace whacking his hands against things, he only ended up biting his nails, eventually doing it more and more until his fingers hurt and the corners bled. When Ignis bandaged his fingertips so he couldn’t bite them, he moved down and started chewing on his wrists. After that, Relius had attempted to step in, this time offering gloves like the ones he wore to avoid injuring any part of them. 

Those had worked, to an extent. He couldn’t bite through the fabric, though it didn’t stop him from trying. More often than not, he was left with damp spots on his gloves from where he tried biting, which was sensory hell in its own form. Carl just had the instinct to bite things whenever he felt stress, whether it was his own hands, sleeves, pencils, pens, or anything he could think of. The longer the habit stuck around, the more embarrassed he felt by it. It made him feel childish. 

It was bad enough that as soon as he enrolled in the military academy, he refused to wear the gloves as much as he could manage. He was sure that he could just force himself to stop. It was another plan made with too much confidence. When he forced himself not to do it in public, it just made him stim harder in private, gnawing on the end of his tie and the uniform’s sleeves. He could never come up with a good explanation on the frequent mendings he needed for his torn-up seams. Carl was too mortified to admit to anything.

Nobody questioned when he started wearing the gloves again. Maybe it suited his reputation as the precocious little genius. Whatever made it easier to get through the day.

Ada had always seemed insistent that she’d be able to find some way to help him, in some form or another. Carl wasn’t sure what exactly she’d had in mind, but he’d found himself with bigger problems to deal with. It seemed far more important to find where their father had gone off to in order to try and find a way to undo what he had done to Ada than to focus on anything else.

He supposed there were still some silver linings, even for as disastrous as his life had gotten. There were still safe places for him to go, and a few adults that he trusted enough to accept their help. Miss Litchi was kind and loving, reminding him so much of his mother with how she worried over him and made him feel cared for. Mr. Bang was rather bombastic and loud, but Carl had to admire his commitment to doing good for the people and making sure he had some sort of guidance.

Even if Bang could be a bit overbearing, Carl had no trouble saying that he felt rather welcome in Ronin-Gai. The people there were kind, and their leader was more than happy to offer a warm bed and food for however long he wanted to stay before heading out. At first, Carl had been a bit wary of the kindness, along with the friendly relationship that Bang had seemed so insistent on for reasons he didn’t understand. He’d presumed some deception or ill intent, but really, Bang seemed to notice a similarity between the two of them, even if he couldn’t name it.

Carl had noticed something like that. Which was strange, since they seemed like very different people, in his opinion. There was just something about the way they both interacted with people, how they presented themselves, how they could get so passionate about different things. He’d even caught Bang gently toying around with the scarf he always wore, petting the soft material in the same way Carl liked to with his favorite clothes as a little kid. 

For whatever it was, the boy would admit it did feel a little better knowing that his odd mannerisms weren’t something exclusive to him. Though he’d never seen the older man biting down on his hands before in the same way he did. That was still a conundrum.

For once, Carl almost found himself longing for the quiet district that he had been staying in for the past few days. After he’d tracked Relius down once more and tried to subdue him, he’d not only failed, but Ada had been caught in a small explosion. She’d made it out relatively unharmed, with some scratches and dents but not looking worse for wear, but Carl wasn’t willing to take off again without making absolutely sure. They’d finally managed to contact Kokonoe, seeing as she was one of the few people who could do a half-decent job at repairing a Nox Nyctores if need be, and Carl had taken off with Ada out of Ronin-Gai as soon as the professor agreed.

Ronin-Gai, at least, felt rather warm and inviting, even if it was unfamiliar. He wasn’t sure what to focus on while he waited on a bench in Kokonoe’s office. She’d taken Ada and vanished into her lab for what felt like hours, with not a single sign of her since. His eyes flicked restlessly over the messy stacks of paper, half-built machinery, and empty takeout containers. For such a brilliant woman, her office was a mess. Carl was at least happy that the fluorescent lights didn’t have an annoying buzz to them like the ones at the academy did. 

He’d tried not to bite on his hands, but there was a point when worrying about Ada and having no other way to vent it just got too much for him to handle. Maybe once this was over, he could play some chess or listen to music. That always helped clear his head.

The office door creaked open, making the boy jump. “P-Professor?”

“Relax, it’s just me.” Hardly glancing in his direction, Kokonoe crossed the room and went to her desk, grabbing a few papers and leafing through a folder. Carl had no idea how she knew where things were, but she seemed to have no trouble finding what she was looking for.

When she stood back up, her yellow eyes finally fell on him. “Hey, short stuff, c’mere a sec.”

“Huh?” Hesitantly, he hopped off the bench and approached the professor. “Is something wrong with my sister?”

“Nah, just got something for ya. Here, catch.”

He managed to catch the odd object that Kokonoe tossed at him. It appeared to be a little machine cog, made out of a slightly rubbery material and hanging on a string. “...A necklace?”

“Yeah, and a chewing stim. Made it out of the same stuff they use for cooking supplies. That scruffy idiot mentioned you tend to chew on stuff when you’re stressed.”

Carl felt himself going pink. If Bang was noticing it, than it must have been way too obvious. Had anyone else seen him doing it in public?

“No need to get all worked up, kid. Of all things to feel bad about, that’s definitely not the right one.” Kokonoe’s expression was hard to read. “People won’t even notice that if you wear it. If you get stressed out, just chew on that instead. It’s meant to be chewed on, so it doesn’t break easy.”

He stared at the item, giving it a little bend. “Have you done this before…?”

“Tao likes having something in her mouth most of the time, so I whipped a few up for her way back when.” That seemed to get the scientist to relax a little, slouching in her chair with a grin. “But hers are cat faces and fish. I thought the gear fit you better.”

“Oh.” After a moment of thought, his head snapped up. “Wait, so I’m not the only one who does this?”

Kokonoe balked. “Pfft, are you kidding me? Lots of people do it. Part of the reason I always have silvervine candy on hand.” At that, she pulled a lollipop out of her sleeve. “Not always chewing on stuff, either. I know Celica likes weaving to keep her hands busy, and Bang always has that damn scarf with him to mess around with.”

Carl couldn’t put into words how relieving that was to hear. For the longest time, it felt like there had to be something wrong with him. The thought of not being the only one made him feel much less weird, and a bit less alone than he’d thought.

“Oh, yeah, and Nirvana’s all patched up. No real damage, just buffed out the scratches. You’re free to head out whenever.”

He followed behind the woman eagerly, running his fingers along the curves of the cog while they walked to the lab. Ada was standing stoic, patched up and cleaned until she was almost shining.

“Sis!” He ran up to her and threw his arms around for a quick hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay!”

Ada tilted her head slightly, raising a hand to gently nudge the new accessory her brother was wearing. 

“It’s cool, isn’t it?” Carl grinned. “Professor Kokonoe gave it to me so I won’t bite my hands. You want to go back now?”

The doll’s mask was static and unmoving, but he could tell she was smiling anyway.

++++++

If he was taking a couple of days to lay low, Carl decided that he could still get something done. He was busy at work, sprawled out on the floor and drafting blueprints for a new automaton model. For once, he had both hands free, one for sketching and the other to hold the paper down in place. He chewed pensively on Kokone’s necklace, feeling the tough material press back as he bit down. It was a satisfying sensation, and he liked it a lot better.

“What do you think, sis?” He hoisted up one of his papers. “Not sure if it’ll be too top-heavy.”

Ada sat nearby. She raised a hand and made a little gesture.

“Huh. Yeah, I guess you’re right. Maybe I can put more weight on the back end so it doesn’t tip over?”

While they spoke, the screen door to the room slid open. “Young hero? Is everything alright?”

“Hello, Mr. Bang.” Carl offered the man a polite nod as he entered. “Ada and I are fine. I’m just working on a new robot.”

“A robot, you say?” In a flash, Bang was on the floor, sitting across from him. “I’d love to hear more!”

He was taken a bit off-guard by the man’s sudden movements, but it seemed normal for Bang. “Are you sure? It’s a little complicated.” Truthfully, Carl loved robots, and all things mechanical, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to go on a long diatribe if it was just going to bore everyone.

“Absolutely! You seem to like them quite a lot. No need to hesitate around me!”

His hands idled over the cog, before moving to grab a pencil. “Okay. Well, I guess I can start with explaining the parts of the chassis…”

The world wasn’t always a very nice place. That was something Carl knew well. But maybe it wasn’t all bad, either.


End file.
